min read
· Posted on
February 21, 2024

Questions to ask your partner about money mindsets

It's a new romance, you're feeling all kinds of crazy in love. So we've got the perfect guide for you on talking money with your SO.

What's the key learning?

  • Bringing money and love together can be tough, but it's important to bring these conversations into the relationship.
  • The first step is to understand your and your partner's money mindsets.
  • A money story is the narrative we tell ourselves about money, influenced by our upbringing, biases and how we've seen money used by those around us.

Who doesn’t love the early honeymoon days of a new relationship.

You’re texting all the time, sending memes, and going on tonnes of romantic dates where you're bonding over niche hobbies you both just happen to share.

Life is feeling like a Nicholas Sparks movie, and all is good in the world.

But things get a little tricker when we reach the "big conversations" stage of the relationship.

And one of the biggest conversations is usually about money.

Now bringing money and love together can get messy, and more complicated than a Christopher Nolan film.

Probably me every 5 mins during Oppenheimer

But that messiness can be avoided by having important money conversations throughout the relationship.

In the early days it might be about how you want to use money to spend time together, and what role money plays in your life.

And as time goes on, those conversations might get a little deeper into things like how you and your partner want to approach spending and saving together for your goals.

And the first step in that is understanding each other's money mindsets.

What’s a money mindset?

Your money mindset is your beliefs and attitude towards the dough. 

And this drives all of the decisions you make about saving, spending and handling money.

People who have a healthy mindset have a positive future outlook on their finances and feel in control of their money.

Your money is heavily shaped by your unique money story, and this is a pretty important thing to unpack with your partner, and with yourself.

What’s a money story?

We all have a unique money story that’s shaped by our life experiences.

This is the narrative you tell yourself about your finances.

The underlying beliefs of your money story come from your family background and how you’ve seen others in your life deal with money.

Things like: 

  • Did you come from a wealthy family? 
  • Were you raised in a household where finances weren’t discussed?
  • Did you/your family face sudden financial challenges in your household?

Your money story is shaped by things outside your control, and starts when you’re young.

But once you're aware of it, you can very much control and shape your own money story.

How do I unpack money stories with my partner?

The best way is to set aside a time when you’re both relaxed and ready for the conversation. 

Maybe crack open a bottle of wine, or bring out some MnM’s to snack on.

And then start a conversation by asking each other questions on your upbringing, values, and your current financial situation and goals.

We’ve got a cheeky list of questions for you that you can use.


  • How was money handled in your household growing up?
  • How was money talked about in your household growing up?
  • Were the financial expectations different from different people in your family?
  • Did particular people in your life influence your money story?


  • In what way does money add to your quality of life?
  • Do you prefer to use money to improve your quality of life now or use money to improve your future quality of life?
  • Do you think of money as good or bad?
  • What does the term ‘luxury purchase’ mean to you?

Current situation and goals:

  • Do you know how much money, assets, debt you currently have?
  • Are you comfortable with your contribution to household finances and financial decisions?
  • How satisfied are you with your current financial situation?
  • Do you have financial goals?
  • How positive do you feel about achieving your financial goals?

You can also learn more about how to unpack your money story, and how to understand your money mindset, check out our full Academy on the topic.

All the best lovers.


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